I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
