the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
