Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
