Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
