The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
