Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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