he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
