It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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