she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize