i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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