The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
