I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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