go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
