No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
