So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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