i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
