I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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