i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
