no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
