I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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