Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
