the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
