I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I forget how to act sober
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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