i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
