I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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