so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
