i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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