Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize