Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
