just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Text me some of your sweat
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
