Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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