my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
