the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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