my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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