lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
