Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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