He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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