Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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