Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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