Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My balls are so social today.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
