Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
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