y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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