just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
