if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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