WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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