ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
