It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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