Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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