I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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