I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
