the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
