Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
