I must be too annoying 4 u.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize